Funny Feline Behavior
A Humorous Explanation for Why Cats Knead Your Belly
To all my fellow cat-lovers our there, here’s a serious question about some funny feline behavior: why do cats knead your belly?
It seems like it’s a nice, pleasant, heartwarming, bonding experience between cats and their “owners” — I put “owners” in quotes, because even though people may legally own their cats, you cat lovers out there know how cats are: they don’t give a rat’s behind about what the law says; nobody owns them.
For those who aren’t familiar with cats, by “kneading” I mean the way cats will sit on your lap and repeatedly push their paws gently into your stomach or legs like a baker kneading dough. They will usually purr contentedly while they do it. They seem to be happy, and it’s pleasant as a human to have a cat kneading your stomach. It’s like getting a massage — unless you are not wearing a shirt, in which case it’s like scraping your stomach against a cactus, which is not so pleasant. But assuming you have some kind of cloth between your skin and the cat’s claws, it’s usually a nice feeling.
Anyway, I was wondering why cats knead their owners’ laps and tummies, and then I heard something interesting: if their owners die and nobody discovers the body or feeds the cats before they run out of food, cats will eventually start eating the corpse of their deceased owner.
The fact that cats will eat your decaying corpse rather than simply starve to death speaks highly of their character. Cats are too intelligent and resourceful to let all that good meat go to waste!
Dogs, on the other hand, are not as smart as cats, so they will simply starve to death rather than eat you (at least that’s what I’ve heard from dog people who falsely claim that dogs are better than cats).
Cats are simply more rational than dogs on this point: if you are dead, the cat knows that your body is not coming back to life. The cat will probably wait a few minutes to see if Jesus shows up to heal you like Lazarus, and when that doesn’t happen, the cat says, “Well, at least one of us can survive this sad situation. Since it’s not going to be my so-called ‘owner,’ let it at least be me. Where’s the salt?”
So back to my original question of why do cats knead: is it because they think they might outlive you and that you might be dinner someday? Are they simply tenderizing the meat on your body, so they won’t have to chew as hard when that unfortunate day arrives?
Here’s a video below (embedded from YouTube) in which I discuss this matter:
Is this the real reason why cats knead their owners: because they are thinking that they will eventually have to eat you? Let me know in the comments what you think about this funny feline behavior. And if you haven’t already done so, don’t forget to subscribe to Tilting at Windmills, so you don’t miss out on all the future fun!
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Thanks for reading. Feel free to share this with any cat “owners” you know!
And for more fun animal humor or other funny foolishness I’ve done, check out my LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/DanielDMan; or you can read this humorous piece about dogs: