The Importance of Framing (and Re-Framing) Circumstances in a Beneficial Way

Relearning Stoic Lessons in Light of Unexpected Inconveniences the Past Two Weekends

The past two weekends have been really busy for me: the previous weekend was busy in a good way, the current one less so. But contrasting the events of the past two weekends has reminded me of that critical lesson from Stoicism: the importance of helpfully reframing events, especially when confronted with challenging circumstances.

The Importance of Framing and Re-Framing Circumstances . . . (Photo by Gaspar Uhas on Unsplash)

Last weekend (January 21st and 22nd) I was busy for mostly pleasant reasons (some fun social events), but also because of an unpleasant development that nonetheless has a positive spin on it: my car’s battery died and needed to be replaced. Not that it’s ever nice to encounter an unexpected expense or inconvenience, but in this case, I was very grateful for the timing of events. My battery died at just about the best possible time and in the best possible place: my driveway on a Friday evening after I was already home for the night. Had it died earlier when I was at work or out running errands, it would have been much more inconvenient and time-consuming.

This realization really kept me positive about the whole situation, even when I encountered some unexpected complications. The portable jump-starter I had on hand for such an event turned out to be a complete piece of shit that would not hold a charge, even after charging overnight, making it useless. The roadside assistance I called for a jump start took about ten times as long as the estimate they initially gave me. And when I arrived at the auto parts store, they were very busy and extremely understaffed, meaning it was took much, much longer this time than it had in the past to get the battery and get it installed. And then there’s stagflation, which appears to have hit auto battery prices especially hard — the batteries I looked at were all literally about three times as expensive as similar batteries were just a few short years ago. But none of these unpleasant developments overturned my positive mood. Whatever difficulties arose, all I had to do was remind myself about how blessedly opportune the timing of the battery’s demise had been, and I was put instantly into a better mood.

Contrast that with my experience this weekend. I have been needing to fix my kitchen sink, but when I had initially tried to close the shut-off valves under the sink, I realized they were stuck fast, as if they had been soldered open. I tried a few different things to get them to turn without breaking the adjoining pipe, and at long last was able to get them closed . . . but the hot water still flowed even though the valve was off. No problem, I thought. I have repaired leaky valves before. This would be a simple plumbing fix, and once the shut-off valve had been repaired, I would be able to take apart the sink without shutting off the hot water to the entire house.

I live in an older house, where most of the plumbing fixtures are still the originals. Unfortunately, this means that there is no such thing as a simple plumbing job. One thing leads to another, and to another, and to another, until you have a series of cascading failures that leaves you with a much more serious plumbing issue to resolve. I should have already known this, from numerous past experiences, but for whatever reason, I went into this project expecting it to be easy.

And certainly the YouTube videos I watched for reference before starting did reinforce this expectation. Oh, how effortless and simple those videos make everything look! I guess that is to be expected, given that these videos are mostly made using newer parts and better tools and by people who actually do this sort of thing routinely enough for it to be second nature for them.

For me, this plumbing job quickly devolved into a comedy of errors. Minus the comedy, leaving just the errors. And a whole lot of me anthropomorphizing the various parts and tools and yelling at them the way a major league baseball manager would shout at an umpire after getting ejected from a game.

Why did I get so bent out of shape? Looking back at it, I think it was my initial expectation that this was all going to be so quick and easy, but then having that expectation demolished by rusty, corroded parts that were all in sizes that are presently non-standard, making replacement parts incredibly difficult to find. It did not take long for me to realize I had bitten off much more than I wanted to chew. My initial framing was overly optimistic: I anchored my expectations to a best-case scenario as the baseline against which to compare my actual progress. Needless to say, that set me up for only ongoing disappointment and frustration.

After I had yelled increasingly loud and angry invective at the growing pile of malfunctioning parts, one of my children kindly reminded me of what I tell them about the importance of managing your anger — yikes! Out of the mouth of babes! I took a step back from the ill-fated project and attempted some Stoic reframing. At least the leak is in the clean water, not the sewer line! At least I have cold water and can heat up hot water on the stove until I can finally get the shut-off valve in working order, which — Lord willing! — will be later today.

On a different note, this has made me question the accuracy of the phrase “in hot water” as a figure of speech to refer to being in trouble. After being without hot water for a day, I would say that being “in hot water” is a much better situation to find yourself in than being “without hot water.” The next time I’m talking about someone who is in trouble, I will be sure to describe him as being “without hot water.” But I digress . . .

I was also reminded of another time a few years ago when my car wouldn't start, and I was actually overjoyed to find out the battery

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needed to be replaced. Why? I was convinced it was the starter that was the problem, which would have been more expensive to replace. On that occasion, the headlights and all the auxiliary electronics still worked, but the car’s ignition would click endlessly but not turn over, which led me to believe the battery was not the problem. I was even about to get the car towed to a garage when, thankfully, I heeded a neighbor’s counsel to go ahead and try jumping it off: sure enough, it was just the battery. Because the battery was cheaper and easier to replace than the starter, I was overjoyed by this. It was still a problem, but it was less of a problem than what I had initially convinced myself was the case. Framing!

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1. Obviously this framing would probably not work on one of these fashionably new and not-so-green electric vehicles: if the battery on one of those things needs to be replaced, you might as well buy a new car. One more reason why I’m not so eager to jump on that battery-operated bandwagon. Electric vehicles are more expensive to buy and repair, plus they give you even worse net pollution than the internal combustion engine:

2. For some great essays on helpful ways to reorient your thinking, check out Luc Talks substack:

The Crucial Link Between Thought And Feeling