The Poet Laureate of a Tupelo, Mississippi Truck Stop Bathroom
A Stunning and Brave Literary Genius Shares His Art with Weary Interstate Travelers and Over-the-Road Truck Drivers
While I was traveling over the holidays, I stumbled upon a great new writer, Fred Q. Gumby, III, the poet laureate of the men’s latrine in the Pilot truck stop in Tupelo, Mississippi. Mr. Gumby is a prolific composer of sonnets, limericks, and epic poetry, which he publishes on the walls of public bathrooms across the country.
On the way back to Birmingham from Memphis recently, I stopped by the Pilot truck stop in Tupelo to get gas and take a piss. Little did I know that I was about to encounter one of the most promising new voices on the American literary scene. While I drained my bladder, I glanced around the bathroom stall. As a lifelong lover of the arts, I enjoy the masterful Fleischer-Cartoon-style drawings one sometimes finds in such places, and this particular bathroom stall did not disappoint. There were illustrations aplenty — most of them apparently drawn by a gynecologist, judging from the artist’s expert knowledge of the female anatomy. As I gazed in awe at these lifelike renderings, I noticed a stanza of what appeared to be poetry.
“There once was a man from Nantucket . . .” the poem began. Immediately, I was hooked. Undoubtedly, this man from Nantucket would bring a fresh perspective on our culture and its values. I was eager to learn more about him.
“Whose dick was so big, he could suck it . . .” went the second line. The plot thickens! What a problem to have! No doubt, our Nantucketian visitor would have a complicated life. He would probably be malnourished, because he would probably have a hard time enjoying the taste of food after having had a dick in his mouth all day, even if it was his own. Also, he may find the opportunity cost of eating to be prohibitively high. After all, every minute that he spends chewing food is a minute during which he is unable to suck his own cock, which is probably his favorite activity, given that his propensity for oral self-gratification is the second detail the poet reveals about him. Here is a man with a uniquely challenging lived experience, which this poet has brought vividly to life through this exquisitely rhyming verse. I read on . . .