Super #SJW Man Chapter 2
SUPER #SJW MAN COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET, SORT OF...
Super #SJW Man – the man formerly known as Marshall B. Rich, III – was originally from Mountain Brook, Alabama, an ultra-exclusive suburb of Birmingham. Mountain Brookies, as the city’s residents were known, were so hoity-toity that many of the city’s municipal ordinances had been copied-and-pasted directly from The Official Preppy Handbook.
Super #SJW Man’s family came from a long line of old money, reaching back to the Jim Crow days of the Old South. Like many rich people, his family had long ago gotten out of the business that had made them rich and had moved their wealth into real estate and investment banking.
At the time Marshall B. Rich, III rebranded himself as Super #SJW Man, he was living off the income he received from slum-lording. Of course, all the nasty, day-to-day business affairs were handled for him by middle-class professionals in another state. This created enough distance between himself and his financial interests, that he was able to rant and rave about how badly the poor were being mistreated, without ever feeling like a hypocrite or experiencing cognitive dissonance.
His mother was a painter and philanthropist. Along with a few other rich white women, she sat on the board of a nonprofit organization that purportedly helped poor and minority women; however, their nonprofit really served as both a tax shelter and a private social club.
The nonprofit’s sole function was to host big fundraising galas, at which wealthy socialites would show off their most expensive outfits and jewelry. Although these galas ostensibly raised money for charity, most of this money was instead used merely to pay for more fundraising events, a.k.a. posh parties. Relatively little of the money ever went to poor people, except for those poor people who were hired as the servers and cleanup crew for these events. In fact, more money was used to buy door prizes for the rich attendees than was ever spent on any legitimate charitable purpose.
Nevertheless, it was from his mother that Super #SJW Man had learned the importance of showing one’s concern for the poor very publicly. More importantly, his mother had taught him that the best way to care for the poor is with other people’s money, and that one’s own money should be spent only on the most showy and self-aggrandizing forms of charity – the kinds of charitable giving that would get a building named after you, or at the very least would get your name on a prominently displayed monument or memorial.
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