Woke Marketing Strikes Again!

Dear Beer Companies, hire me next time you want to target a Marxcissist demographic! Check out these great ideas for your next ad campaign!

Beer companies must be getting high on their own supply when they come up with these woke advertising campaigns. Just weeks after Anheuser-Busch torpedoed its Bud Light brand

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by hiring trans-6-year-old-girl activist Dylan Mulvaney

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as its spokesthing, Miller Lite decided to go woke with a commercial aimed at its core consumer base: angry feminists.

Hey Miller Lite, make advertisements for hardcore feminists, so they can continue not drinking your beer!

I would like to offer my creativity and insights to the marketing department of any large beer companies that are thinking about going woke. I could design slogans and television commercials that will involve the “intersectional” demographic you are targeting, and I’ll do so without alienating your existing customers.

Take Anheuser-Bush, for example. If they wanted to get a tranny to endorse one of their beers, I could have designed the perfect campaign. The problem was not Dylan Mulvaney; the problem was, they used him for the wrong product!

My solution? Have Dylan endorse O’Doul’s (or another “near beer”), not Bud Light! After all, a “woman” with no vagina makes about as much sense as “beer” without alcohol.

Here are some possibilities for Dylan-Mulvaney-inspired slogans for an O’Doul’s marketing campaign:

Dylan Mulvaney identifies as a GIRL, like O’Doul’s identifies as BEER!

Dylan Mulvaney is a pretend girl; O’Doul’s is a pretend beer; they’re like two pretend peas in a very pretend pod!

O’Doul’s is the perfect “near beer” for a teetotaler who wants to identify as a beer drinker!

And then there’s Miller Lite, which has gone full feminist.

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If you haven’t seen the new woke Miller Lite commercial, here it is:

Again, if Miller Lite wanted to involve humorless wannabe girl-bosses in their marketing strategy, I could have come up with some ideas that would have involved empowered Western women, without alienating the men who actually drink Miller Lite! Here are some of my ideas:

Miller Lite: beer so weak, you know it was brewed by Feminists!

Miller Lite has been making college girls “go wild” since 1973!

If you are a VP of marketing at one of the major breweries, hit me up! Let’s make your next advertising campaign a smash success!

Don’t be like Miller Lite, and chase that feminist bird in the bush and lose the drunken frat boy bird in your hand!

Miller Lite makes the best beer goggles for broke guys hooking up with ratchet hoes!

When you absolutely, positively want to embarrass yourself at a party, all you need is a case of Miller Lite and a bunch of unresolved emotional issues!

The girl-boss feminists aren’t going to drink your beer anyway, so by all means use them in your adverstising — just, have fun with it!

10 out of 10 hardcore feminists won’t drink your beer anyway, so by all means make them the centerpiece of your marketing strategy!

Something companies need to realize: Marxcissists don’t want to buy your product; they just want to be the center of attention. As anyone who has ever been in a relationship with a narcissist can tell you, compromising with them is only ever a one-way street. Accede to their demands at your peril. You’ll lose everything,

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and they will just forget all about you as they move onto their next victim.

1. Bud Light sales drop after Dylan Mulvaney fiasco: https://nypost.com/2023/05/09/bud-lights-sales-drop-is-accelerating-amid-dylan-mulvaney-fiasco/

2. Dylan Mulvaney identifying as a 6-year-old-girl:

3. https://nypost.com/2023/05/15/miller-lite-silent-on-woke-ad-following-bud-light-disaster/

4. E.g., Anheuser-Busch, which lost $5 billion in value. (See, https://nypost.com/2023/04/12/anheuser-busch-down-5b-in-value-amid-dylan-mulvaney-bud-light-controversy/.) Wonder how many more Bud Lights those trannies are drinking now? Something tells me it’s not $5 billion worth.