"Why do men keep staring at my BOOBS whenever I post pictures of them online?!!!"
A Guest Post by Myrna Minkhoff decrying the male gaze ...
Today’s post is a first for A Ghost in the Machine. Aside from a couple of podcast guests, this stack has been entirely a one-man show. (Some of you are probably thinking, “Yeah, and it shows.”) I’ve decided to change things up with a guest post from Myrna Minkoff, an independent filmmaker and community activist from New York City. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I have recently become aware of a desperate situation afflicting various substackers of the fairer sex. Apparently, the men have been staring at them — or rather, at onscreen images of them, and these women don’t like it. Myrna composed an angry letter on behalf of the entire female gender (I believe she even wrote it in such a way so as to include those trans womxn who identify as female but who were tragically not assigned the female gender at birth, due to some bigotry on the part of the medical professionals and Mother Nature). Her words lend a voice to every women who has silently suffered the trauma of being sexualized by random men online. She is woman, hear her roar. This is her heartfelt plea for us men to do better.
Now, I admit that the content and tone of this guest post is not exactly in keeping with what I usually post on here. “So … why are you publishing it then?” you may be asking. Well, I have done some soul searching lately. I’m still looking for my soul, but in the meantime, I want to do something to combat the unfortunate misperception, expressed by a few former readers when they angrily unsubscribed from this blog, that I am somehow misogynistic or antisemitic. Therefore, I found the most aggressively feminist and Jewish person I could find, Myrna Minkoff, and invited her into my online “home” as a favored guest, even going so far as to allow her to post her criticisms of me and of my people on this site, just to show how open-minded and tolerant I am.
So without further ado, good readers, I present to you the one and only Myrna Minkhoff!
Sirs:
WTF? I mean, I can’t even. Like, do you not see yourself? I mean, seriously. Why is it that I cannot go a single day online without some random guy staring at and commenting on my body? Just because I choose to celebrate my body and wear what’s comfortable, and just because I own a camera and take professional-quality pictures of myself showing off my amazing body and documenting all the hard work and resources I put into being in literally perfect shape, and just because I choose to share those photos in a semi-public online forum to give inspiration to all the ladies out there who aspire to look as good as me, as well as to make all the haters even more jealous than they already are, just because I do that does NOT mean that I am inviting YOU to give me YOUR opinion about MY BODY.
Listen, you incel LOSERS. If you can’t handle a grown-ass woman doing her thing online without drooling all over your phone screen, then you need to get yourself out of your mama’s basement and touch grass and take a class on how not to be a complete slob. Like, go to college and enroll in Intro to Hygiene, Small Talk for Dummies, and Not Being a Creep 101, for starters. You make me SICK! And don’t even think about trying to talk to me until you have graduated, summa cum laude, with a master’s degree in advanced cunnilingus, and until you got some serious money to spend on making me happy. You got that?
I don’t even understand what goes on in that little male brain of yours. Like, you are totally eavesdropping on MY private conversation with MY female and gay male friends. I don’t mind gay guys complimenting me on my body, because I know they appreciate fine art. But you straight men? Like seriously, you guys are so full of yourselves if you think any of my photos are for YOU.
Just the other day, I posted this photo of myself, just a casual photo of me having a nice day at the beach, on my IG …
… And you would not BELIEVE the kind of NONSENSE some of you MEN felt justified in saying. Like, what makes you think I took this photo with you in mind? Do you know what a photo of me would look like if I took it with you in mind? Well, first of all, I wouldn’t take a photo with you in mind, because as far as I’m concerned you don’t even exist, but if I somehow did take a photo of myself with you in mind (which would never, ever happen, but if it somehow did), that photo would be of me PUKING MY FREAKING GUTS OUT!!! Because that’s how much you disgust me! So yeah, if I ever take a picture of myself when I’m vomiting uncontrollably, I will definitely post that and address it to all of you MEN. But until then, the photos that I share are for MYSELF and for MY female friends and followers. And it’s okay for gay men to like my photos too, because every photograph of me is a work of art. But my pics are NOT for YOU!!!!!
So here is an example of the kind of ABUSIVE and TRAUMATIZING and DEHUMANIZING DMs I received after posting that photo:
DAMN u is fine!
Um, excuse me, but I will show you “fine!” You best believe that once we finally destroy the patriarchy — and I know my sisters will all agree with me on this — we will make it a CRIMINAL OFFENSE punishable by a MASSIVE FINE every time you cavemen use the word “fine” to describe a woman. Call me “fine?” Okay, I’m reporting you to the proper authorities, and you will get a FINE. That’s what I call poetic justice! Call me fine, get fined! And once we finally get some women in charge, that’s how it’s gonna be!
Here’s another DM I got:
hey idk if u know me or even notice me b4 but i see u postin all the time and u r soooo pretty an u always say such funny and interesting things. if u ever in [REDCACTED] area hit me up cuz i could take u someplace really nice bc I know all the best spots in this city and I really wanna get to know u bc u an me got a lot in common and i would be really good 2 you like better than any man u ever know! so plz dont delete this w/o reading cuz we do have a connection, even if u dont know me yet. u r so perfect! i would do anything 4 u. i want u 2 know you are such a princess and so beautiful. ok bye! ttyl princess!
Um … how old are you? 12? I hope so, because if you are a grown-ass man writing some stupid shit like that to some woman online whom you do not even know, then you are even more pathetic than I imagined. I am not a princess, I am a QUEEN! You hear me? And until you have a kingdom of your own, please don’t clutter up my inbox with your INCEL fantasies.
And then there’s the DMs from the Christian Chads who want to tell me about Jesus, like this yokel:
Hi, I know all the photos you post create the picture of a perfect life, but I also know that appearances are deceptive and that you focus so much on externals because something is missing. You want attention from men, but what you really need is to receive the true love of the one perfect Man, Jesus Christ. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16. With Jesus in your heart, you will feel as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside, and unlike outward beauty, the crown of beauty Jesus gives you will never fade.
Um, okay, so where do I even begin with this COLONIZING WITCH BURNING GENOCIDING NATIVE PEOPLES WEIRDO? First off, your DM is pure and unadulterated HATE SPEECH and ANTISEMITIC. What?! Are you going to try to tell me that Christ is King next?! Fuck right off with that shit. Second, how do YOU know who or what is in my heart? And third, you think you are so slick with that backhanded compliment that is really an insult — “you will feel as pretty on the inside as you are on the outside” — like, you don’t know me! Who are you to judge my inner beauty?! Or my outer beauty, for that matter! Because I AM BEAUTIFUL, INSIDE AND OUT! And like, who are you?! You have no credentials, and you obviously don’t have anyone even half as beautiful as me in your life, because if you did, you would be talking to her instead of harassing me. So you worry about you and leave me out of your weird wannabe Prince Charming churchboy fantasies. Your opinion counts for two things and two things only: jack and shit. And I’m flushing both of them right down the toilet and into the sewer, which is where YOU belong. And fourth and finally, how dare you?!!! Like, where do you get off? I swear, I can’t even.
I am sick and tired of the patriarchy oppressing me. I am sick and tired of the male gaze following me everywhere I go in a bikini. I am sick and tired of the fact that every day of my life some lowlife man is staring at my boobs just because I post a picture of them online.
Like, just stop, okay? They’re not for you. I’m sorry that your mother didn’t teach you how to talk to real life women or whatever, and that she lets you just live in her basement and spend all day hunched over a screen leering at all the very positive and empowered women LIKE ME — but then you go and try to deny us our full personhood and just turn us into a pair of boobs and a vajayjay that you can just fantasize about and jerk off to because you haven’t had any pussy since pussy had you. If your mother loved you, she’d look you dead in your eye and tell you what a piece of shit you are and she’d take away your laptop and your Android (because you are too broke and pathetic for an iPhone) and make you go get a job at McDonalds because unfortunately that’s all you’re qualified to do but somehow you probably will get a six-figure job at a big company because of your white male privilege but then you’ll get fired because you say something creepy to your female BOSS because the FUTURE IS FEMALE because you men are so pathetic and your male ego is so fragile that you can’t even vote for a woman to be President, and then after you get fired for HARASSING your female BOSS and making the workplace TOXIC with your presence, you’ll be back online trying to slide into my DMs because you go goo-goo over ta-tas like you’re some kind of a baby that needs his mama’s titties. Like, I can smell the mama’s milk on your breath from here! Grow up already! JFC you guys are PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!
So basically, I say all of that just to say the following: You disgust me, so please how about we all just pretend you don’t exist. Okay? And leave me the fuck alone! Like, no, I don’t want your number. And no, I don’t want to kick it or hang wit u or just be friends or ANY OF THAT! Okay?!!! Like, whatever question you want to ask, or whatever you want me to do, my only response is to say: (1) Do you see yourself? And (2) I can’t even. And (3) HOW DARE YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely yours in righteous anger and girlboss majesty,
Myrna Minkoff
This is Daniel D again. Just wanted to thank Myrna Minkoff for her spirited and entertaining guest post. If you want to follow her, don’t. She doesn’t want your attention, so don’t even look for her online (and if you do see her, look the other way). But she did say that if you enjoy her work and want to support it, that the best way to do that is by supporting the sites that allow her to guest post, like this one, so show Myrna some love by taking out a paid subscription to A Ghost in the Machine, which is less per month than a burger at McDonald’s and a whole lot better for you. Click the button below and get 25% off. This will also grant you full access to the archives, as well as most assuredly causing great heavenly blessings and/or the most positive karma to be yours.
That was the most impressive run on sentence I have ever seen. Credit from a master craftsman of run on myself.
On a different subject, I wonder why young men aren't dating anymore?
The line between reality and satire has become almost indistinguishable