If you or someone you know is an ugly Untouchable peasant, living in filth and squalor in some Third-World shithole, I’ve got just the product for him or her: Magic American Dirt! A.k.a, “Prosperity for Pajeets!”
Because let’s face it, there just aren’t enough H1B visas to go around, even if Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy get their way and The GOP passes the “Make American Banksters Even Richer Act of 2025.” There are only so many coding jobs available in Silicon Valley. Not to mention that those Indians who make it over here will be disproportionately higher caste, and they don’t want to collapse the caste system that they’ve been enjoying back home since before time began! If you, their low-caste countrymen, ever do manage to make it over here, it will only be as bottom-feeding serfs. Sadly, no matter how many of you Indians get hired at third-world bargain prices by American companies, there will still be millions more stuck working in overseas call centers, trying in vain to placate angry American customers who’ve been ripped off by whatever company’s toll free number they’re calling, or slaving away in a Southeast Asian sweatshop, making overpriced clothes for fat American bodies. So how do you “tired, poor, huddled masses, yearning to breathe free” escape your miserable fates and claim your own slice of the proverbial American Apple Pie?
It’s so easy, even a low-caste Pajeet like YOU can figure it out and make it work! It’s called Magic American Dirt! And for a few extra rupees, we’ll even send a genuine genderqueer high priestess of the American civic religion over to your slum or village to sprinkle the Magic American Dirt on you and all your illiterate wives and filthy parasite-infested kids in a big religious ceremony! Within weeks you’ll be a REAL AMERICAN: overweight and sleep-deprived, with ten maxed-out credit cards and a second mortgage that you’re two months behind on, struggling just to put a few pre-inflation Fed Dollars into your retirement account before you become senile like the current American President, watching your children adopt Western values and transition into newly minted gender identities, listening to those same children lecture you about the latest fashions in moral philosophy (even though they cannot figure out something as basic as which gender they even are), losing half your shit in an ugly divorce and paying child-support out the wazoo which your ex-wife will spend on boob jobs and Brazilian butt-lifts so she can seduce a man who still has a little credit left to access in order to spend it on her, etc.! Yes, YOU can make this American Dream your daily reality, no matter where you happen to live! That’s the Magic of American Dirt!
So DM me or visit AGhostInTheMachine.page to order your Magic American Dirt today, and start your journey from ugly Untouchable peasant to Brahmin billionaire businessman!
Now, perhaps you’re a bit skeptical and thinking that all of this is too good to be true and that I must have an angle. No, I can assure you that I am acting from only the highest of ideals and the purest of motives! I have decided to atone for my white privilege and my male privilege and my cis-hetero-normative privilege. Consider this Magic American Dirt/Prosperity for Pajeets Program merely Step One of my Twelve-Step Recovery Program for Repentant Colonizers!
Remember, as Mahatma Gandhi once said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single grain of magic dirt!”
Also, if you are on the site formerly known as Twitter, kindly consider sharing my announcement on X about Magic American Dirt!1
I want as many pajeets as possible to enjoy American-style prosperity, wherever they might be! In our increasingly interconnected world, everyone, everywhere, can freely plunder this North American Economic Zone known as the USA!
Do your part to atone for your racism and your privilege, and share this Tweet: https://x.com/DanielDHumor/status/1873454366579130519
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